I've a Love, a True, True Love...

Just jokes. I'm now closing in on 48 hours of being single... and I've gone from tears, to the numb hardened shell over my heart signaling the end of caring. I'm over it, over him.

Mom thinks he'll be back. He always disappears after I leave him. He'll be back, she just doesn't know if he'll be damaged or not.

And if he does come back, I'm not sure I'll let him back in. He's had two shots at perfection. Everyone deserves a second chance. But would he deserve a third chance to rip my heart open again?

As of now... No. The pain hurts. And this has happened twice now. Each time it feels like a lion raking it's claws into the tender tissue of my heart. As the wounds heal, they grow tougher, so it doesn't happen again.

But for today, I am proud to say that I am strong. I don't stay out for the count, but I bounce back quickly. I'm over what happened two days ago, and I'm over him.

These lyrics have been stuck in my head like.... all day.

Over You - Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.'

Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I love how I've recieved close to 6 texts by now blaring the same message - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! I find it rather ironic because of my current SCREW THE WORLD! mood. After a rather hostile afternoon with everyone in the house, my then-bf-now-ex, who knew I was having a bad day called to tell me that after much consideration, he decided that surely 8 months is enough time to get to know somebody and decide if they're the right one for you. And since he couldn't see me in his future, it was wrong of him to lead me on, so he had to break it off. Something that reaaaally should have been told to my face, not my ear. He couldn't've waited until he got home, then drove an hour to tell me to my face, and then be on his merry way.

Oh, he still wants to be friends, and he wants me to come to him when I have a bad day. And "It's not like we'll never see each other again" with me going to McMurry. "If we decide to pick it up again, then maybe" but for now, he wants to meet new people. But we're still going to be friends.

I can't be friends. Not for a while at least, not until I get all the venom out of my system. Which might be a while. I can't even think of talking to him without feeling like I'm having my heart ripped right out of my chest by some dark, skeletal long-fingered hand (Hate, or Wrath anyone?), which makes me angrier, and defensive, because I DON'T LIKE UNWELCOME THINGS TOUCHING ME. My inner tigress is livid, and I can feel her pacing inside of me wanting to be set free from the cage my body is holding her in. Maybe I'll go running later, in an attempt to soothe her.

But even though I'm in a vile mood with a renewed Mama-Grizzly protection over my heart, I'll make a list of what I'm thankful for.

• My Momma, for being amazing with words. And being my Momma. =)
• My Friends, Savanna, Vicki, Peter, RandiK - Thanks for catching me when I fall, comforting me when I hurt, and making me laugh when I really need it.
• Ines, for giving me chocolate, but I actually love her for being amazing anyways. With or without the chocolate. (Although, it is a plus! ;D)
• VOLLEYBALL - I don't know how I'd be able to function as a person without it. Without the blessed ball to take my anger, frustration, stress, and the need to whack the crap out of something, I don't know how I'd get by. My veins crave it.
• Art - Mostly, Duiz. Because, I'm always able to draw him when I need to let my creative juices flow. And the Nate... My Hellish-demonic looking creature who's actually a good guy who eats the bad guys. Love that bird...lion..thing.
• Family - although, they sometimes annoy me, I'm still greatful for them.
• Brownie - This wonderful little stuffed horse has been with me for over 10 years, and he's helped hold my heart together when it felt like it was only falling apart. He's caught a lot of my tears, and is the best at comforting me.
• Confidence - I don't let much get to me, and if you have a problem, I really don't care. I'm secure in myself, my looks, my personality. And feeble attempts to bring me down don't work.

My rant is coming to an end, for I have to go make whipped cream an celebrate the holiday with my family. Time to put on the mask we always wear to hide our true feelings and be a decent hostess and pretend everything is just peachy. =D

Happy Thanksgiving.

Heh... Right.

My Daddy's So Cute.

Awww. He comes from work, sore from pouring concrete at work today. He makes a joke about being glad he doesn't do it for a living, because one day of it is enough to last him a while. And Emily has been annoying us the whole time with her plastic blue frog, saying "Look at my little frog friend!" So of course, once she gets to Dad, she tells him what she's been telling the rest of us. "Say hello to my little frog friend!"

So Dad, being the adorable daddy he is, makes his voice high pitched and says," Why Hello, little frog friend!" It was cute. =D

And on a totally different subject, I'm going to talk to the coach from McMurry tomorrow... Some excitement and some nerves there. But, Mrs. Bennett supports me 100% which is definantly reassuring. I was feeling bad about having to leave theatre for volleyball.. but she told me to follow my passion, and do what's gonna get me to college. But I'll talk to the coach, and I have a video of our game against Childress, and then snippits of other things.

I'll just think of it as a warm up to talk to the ACU coach next friday... Which I'm hoping will go well, because now I'm in a rut. I reaaaaaaaaally want to go to ACU. But I reaaaaaaaaally want to play volleyball. I could probably play at McMurry. But I want to go to ACU... I'm supposed to go there, I think. I don't know why. But I am.