Clairvoyance

I've been attempting to focus on separating the outside noise of the world from the noise going on inside of my head and my heart. I'm finding myself at a crossroads yet again, and I'm not certain which path to take.

The most recent insights:

One of Reid and Matraca getting married, having lots of babies and generally making each other happy. That was before he came down this weekend, but his visit basically affirmed that there is nothing left for us, and it's pointless to try and resurrect anything. That book is closed.

I see myself going to germany this summer.

I know I'm not coming back to Lubbock for school in the fall. I've got my options narrowed down to two. It's either Maharishi University of Management in Fairfield, Iowa, or Midwestern State University in Witchita Falls. Iowa is secluded, but with only 289 undergrads, I'm thinking it's not going to be quite as secluded as it seems. Midwestern has colorguard (my second volleyball), football, theatre, every kind of activity in highschool I was in. Iowa doesn't have theatre, which is another point for MSU.

The final vision I've seen a lot of lately in the back of my mind. An indian/warrior version of myself traveling the world, hiking to the top of the mountain, with a wolf by my side. Which is weird, because the tiger has been my animal for a long time.

WOLF:
If Wolf shows up:
Characteristics and behaviors that no longer serve your spiritual purpose are being culled from your consciousness.
Make cooperation a priority over competition.
Valuable insights, ideas, and new teachings are coming your way, so pay close attention.
It's important to maintain your self-esteem and integrity and deepy trust in your inner knowing, even when you feel misunderstood or misaligned.
You're being spiritually and psychically protected at all times.

Call on Wolf when:
You feel lost with regard to a relationship, project, or your career, or else you're confused about your life path and purpose.
You feel at one extreme or the other with your social ties, either feeling isolated and alone or overly enmeshed with family and friends.
You've been feeling a little too civilized lately and want to tap in to the wild and instnctual.
You're having trouble discerning the sincerity and truth of what someone is communicationg to you.
You want to be more expressive in your communication, particularly by adding more body language and vocal inflection.

Maybe Wolf is talking to me.

Taylor Swift

Hah. It was 30 minutes until closing tonight when this creeper with bloodshot eyes came through my line and was trying to make small talk. I think he was drunk.. or high. Red eyes. Well anyways. He's watching me the WHOLE time and just randomly pops off with a "You look like Taylor Swift."

I tried not to laugh. Really. I don't look like Taylor Swift.

Me: "Thanks.. That's about the third time someone's told me that." *embarrass* Ew... Creeper.

Him: "Well it must be true then." Giving me a drunken twinkly eye.

Me: "It'd be awesome to have her voice." Psh. She wishes she had my voice! And for the record... he's definately a creeper.

Him: "Alright, well i'll see you around!"

And the door screeched him when he tried to leave. Hahaha.

Taylor Swift is cool, ish. I mean, the girl's got good lyrics and everything, her stuff is just overplayed. And seeing as how we have to put it on the traditional country station with 'Ring of Fire' in order to avoid it because it's all over adult contemporary and modern country kinda sucks too.

I really like her songs cause I can relate to them, but I don't like them because almost all of them depend on the male for happiness. that sends a bad message to preteen girls. =) Or maybe its more of a warning... I dunno.

But. For the record. I don't look like Taylor Swift. =)

Quesadillas

Mmm. Burnt quesadillas. =D

Anywho, the past week has been rather hectic on me mentally. Mostly, it stems from mind games that I start, but end up getting turned around to where I'm no longer in control, but merely a pawn in my own game. The sad thing is I've allowed this to happen more than once, you would've thought the first time I would've figured it out. Hah.

I'm used to having volleyball as something to turn to during my times like this. I could hit the ball, as hard as I want to, as many times as I wanted to. I could go play a game, forget about life, and focus only on dominating the other team. Kinda missing that a lot lately. So I've turned to running. It's not quite as effective because it's not a team sport. (Maybe that's what I'm missing. The essence of team. )

I've also got multiple ideas playing ring-around-the-rosey in my brain. I know I'm going to pick random courses that interest me next semester. An art, theatre, and some sort of PE course, possibly archery and yoga. And once next semester is finished, I'm going to Germany for the summer. After Germany though, everything is very fuzzy. I have no idea where I'm gonna go to school. I don't see myself pursuing college volleyball, I think I might be over that one. I need to go somewhere I will be able to get involved. I want to do colorguard, and I want to act in a student produced play. I want intramural volleyball. I want to do everything I was doing in highschool. But I'm not sure how to go about it.

I've considered going back to McMurry. Everyone there was so nice. It's just so expensive! I don't want the financial baggage to come with me after I graduate. I'm thinking about Midwestern. It's not expensive and Lanna and Shana love it there. I may look into some schools in the states up north. Just for the hell of it. Couldn't hurt anything.

Hera looks so silly in her pen. I don't think she knows what to make of the wind. It's starting to blow harder, i believe a cold front is coming through tonight.

Heh. Ooops

So. I'm gonna make a concious effort to start updating this thing at least 3 times a week. Or something. Cause it's kinda pointless just sitting here.

And the fact that my last update was in February. Oopsy. =P

But I'm gonna actually come back and type a real post after I fold my laundry and eat some chocolate covered strawberries. Yummy. =)