Focus.

We have a test in Government tomorrow, and a test in Calculus. I tried to really hit the calc book.. but I got about the first 10 problems done and then my mind was wandering... And it managed to find itself a flashback. Not one of the ones I dreaded from last year.. But one of him,

And it scared me.

The flashbacks were the start of the end the first time... I don't want them. Cause I feel like my subconcious is desperately holding on to what it feels like it's about to lose, so it never has to lose it. I don't want to spend another year hating someone, (Although, that could improve my current volleyball standings. Heh.) constantly scheming different ways to say "Thanks for giving me someone to hate, so my game was more intense" but never saying it. I don't want that.

I don't want to have to wait a year, to return to the spot where it all started. And just release my toughts into the night sky and finally say it's ok. Everything will be fine. Where will I have to return to? Certainly not a Lockney basketball game. Realignment screwed that over.

He didn't call when he was in town this weekend. That had me borderline livid. He said he figured I was busy, and his phone had died. I should've been busy, I'll give him that. But I had to take my ACT that day, so I had nothing to do. If I'd've known, I would've gone to see him.

I feel like I'm barely holding on here.. Maybe it's not the same for him, and I'm just overly sensitive about everything. Who knows. Hopefully if he comes this weekend, we can get this all nice and sorted out. He can wonder why I get in some crazy moods, and I'll be content that we got it settled. I just hope its not for the worst.

Mood: Lonely
Listening to: Foundations - Kate Nash